I decided to visit my rep days to do my shows. I had so much to talk about those old days.
First was Nottingham. A small venue. It went very well. Not a massive audience but they were very appreciative and I had a good time.
Second was Clacton. How the place had changed. Now only two theatres and both enormous (650 seats plus) which I could never fill. But one of them seemed very welcoming. It should be fine, they said, we have a large fan base and if you could send us some posters. I did, quite a lot as requested. As a back up I thought I find a local PR firm to help in the promotion. There were two. One I couldn’t get hold of and the other told me that they only dealt with supermarkets. So that was a no-no.
The theatre who wanted me, well their confidence was misplaced. I don’t mind playing in front of small audiences, I’ve done plenty of those in my time, but a tiny group surrounded by hundreds of empty seats wouldn’t feel comfortable for them.
So my second job in Clacton was out of the window. Third job Ilfracombe. On enquiring I found out that there was only one theatre in the town. I phoned them, crossing my fingers that it was suitable for me, But no, it was enormous, a newly built construction consisting of two massive bumps on the horizon. Apparently the local residents hated it because it didn’t fit in with atmosphere and the houses that surrounded it. In fact they called it Madonna's Bra.
With the paucity of theatres in my old stamping grounds, I dreamt of buying a second hand old double decker bus taking out half of the top deck, put a projector at the side and have a screen behind the driver’s cabin. If they haven’t got suitable theatres I could take my own with me! But, but, but, before I did any alterations, a double decker bus would cost £35,000! So my dreams of being a mobile theatre owner had turned to dust.
Bugger, bugger, but then I had a call from a theatre called The Space, which is in the crypt of an old defunct chapel on Ilfracombe seafront. It held about forty to fifty people and they said that be thrilled if I agreed to play there. A date was fixed and I was excited.
They phoned a week later and said that there was a leak in he roof and they’d have to put me in when it was fixed. I thought of suggesting that I get them all macs and umbrellas but I didn’t. What do they do in the Regent’s Park theatre or the Globe when it’s raining cats and dogs? Not they’ll ever get me to me to do my one man show at he Globe! Ha ha.
So no hopes of small theatres in other places where I performed as a kid.
I’m just a dreamer.